It’s an irony that being
overly concerned with our own happiness causes us to be less happy. Happiness is one
of those things best obtained by giving it to others. Selfishness, instead, eats souls. Yet these days, it is a national pastime.
overly concerned with our own happiness causes us to be less happy. Happiness is one
of those things best obtained by giving it to others. Selfishness, instead, eats souls. Yet these days, it is a national pastime.
When celebrity Kim Kardasian
released her book Selfish with over 300 selfies, my shock that anyone would publish such a book was surpassed by the
realization that people bought it.
released her book Selfish with over 300 selfies, my shock that anyone would publish such a book was surpassed by the
realization that people bought it.
It’s easy to point fingers at one of the mascots for
our narcissistic culture, but what about us? A certain
amount of selfishness is required to live well.
But too much and we forge a path of destruction beginning with our own well-being.
our narcissistic culture, but what about us? A certain
amount of selfishness is required to live well.
But too much and we forge a path of destruction beginning with our own well-being.
Note, however, that self-absorption can be associated
with clinical depression, a serious condition that needs professional
treatment. But even a lower grade of selfishness feeds on itself and cracks
open a well of insecurity and unhappiness. Scientists have actually linked
the selfie craze to narcissism, addiction, and mental illness
with clinical depression, a serious condition that needs professional
treatment. But even a lower grade of selfishness feeds on itself and cracks
open a well of insecurity and unhappiness. Scientists have actually linked
the selfie craze to narcissism, addiction, and mental illness
In her book, Beyond
Me, My Selfie, & I: Finding Real Happiness in a Self-Absorbed World, Teresa
Tomeo, host of EWTN’s radio talk show The Catholic Connection and the TV Catholic View for Women, observed the self-obsessed
culture and offered some remedies. She
cited evidence that as people become more preoccupied with themselves, societal
ills increase including an obsession with cosmetic surgery and suicidal tendencies
when people fear they do not measure up.
Me, My Selfie, & I: Finding Real Happiness in a Self-Absorbed World, Teresa
Tomeo, host of EWTN’s radio talk show The Catholic Connection and the TV Catholic View for Women, observed the self-obsessed
culture and offered some remedies. She
cited evidence that as people become more preoccupied with themselves, societal
ills increase including an obsession with cosmetic surgery and suicidal tendencies
when people fear they do not measure up.
“Self-indulgence and attention-seeking are not exactly
phrases commonly associated with the life of a committed Christian,” she
explained. “But just the opposite happens when we practice the virtues of
kindness and generosity.”
phrases commonly associated with the life of a committed Christian,” she
explained. “But just the opposite happens when we practice the virtues of
kindness and generosity.”
Sinking time into photographing and obsessing about
ourselves leaves little left over for God and others.
ourselves leaves little left over for God and others.
“Pope St. John Paul II said that we don’t find
ourselves until we lose ourselves in Christ,” she wrote. “Throughout the Bible,
we see what is a contradiction by the world’s standard spelled out over and
over again. When we lose our life for
love’s sake, we gain it back tenfold.”
ourselves until we lose ourselves in Christ,” she wrote. “Throughout the Bible,
we see what is a contradiction by the world’s standard spelled out over and
over again. When we lose our life for
love’s sake, we gain it back tenfold.”
Selfishness
Harms Marriages
Harms Marriages
Selfishness
is the major enemy of marriage, according to Dr. Richard
Fitzgibbons, a psychiatrist trained at the Hospital of the University of
Pennsylvania and the Philadelphia Child Guidance Center, and the director of
the Institute for Marital Healing outside Philadelphia has worked as a marriage
therapist for 40 years. In his co-authored book: Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide
for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, and through his writings at MaritalHealing.com,
he helps people confront problems in marriages.
is the major enemy of marriage, according to Dr. Richard
Fitzgibbons, a psychiatrist trained at the Hospital of the University of
Pennsylvania and the Philadelphia Child Guidance Center, and the director of
the Institute for Marital Healing outside Philadelphia has worked as a marriage
therapist for 40 years. In his co-authored book: Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide
for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, and through his writings at MaritalHealing.com,
he helps people confront problems in marriages.
“Selfishness,
while falsely appearing to have many benefits, actually turns the person in
upon himself/herself, thereby interfering with healthy self-giving which is the
essence of marital love,” he explained.“ Subsequently, this personality
weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It
is a major cause of marital anger, permissive parenting, addictive behaviors,
infidelity, separation and divorce. Unless it is uncovered and addressed,
selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted
persons.”
while falsely appearing to have many benefits, actually turns the person in
upon himself/herself, thereby interfering with healthy self-giving which is the
essence of marital love,” he explained.“ Subsequently, this personality
weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It
is a major cause of marital anger, permissive parenting, addictive behaviors,
infidelity, separation and divorce. Unless it is uncovered and addressed,
selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted
persons.”
In his video,
Fitzgibbon pointed out that selfishness in marriages interferes with the
development of healthy personalities and has toxic effects.
Fitzgibbon pointed out that selfishness in marriages interferes with the
development of healthy personalities and has toxic effects.
Solutions to
Selfishness
Selfishness
Tomeo
explained that the Catholic Catechism gives hope to overcome selfishness.
“Remember who is your head and whose body you are a member. Never forget
that you have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the
light of the Kingdom of God.” (CCC1691)
explained that the Catholic Catechism gives hope to overcome selfishness.
“Remember who is your head and whose body you are a member. Never forget
that you have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the
light of the Kingdom of God.” (CCC1691)
She stated
that selfishness has led the culture to think we can play God leading even to
acceptance of same-sex marriage. Tomeo referred to Father Paul Check,
national chaplain for the Courage apostolate which ministers to Catholics with
same-sex attraction. He has said that the real issue is not sex or even
relationships but a “poverty” that leads to a misdirected desire for
fulfillment. In the end, it is the desire for love and affection—both
good desires—that “go off track and lead to pain, disappointment, and even
acute suffering.”
that selfishness has led the culture to think we can play God leading even to
acceptance of same-sex marriage. Tomeo referred to Father Paul Check,
national chaplain for the Courage apostolate which ministers to Catholics with
same-sex attraction. He has said that the real issue is not sex or even
relationships but a “poverty” that leads to a misdirected desire for
fulfillment. In the end, it is the desire for love and affection—both
good desires—that “go off track and lead to pain, disappointment, and even
acute suffering.”
To find true happiness, Tomeo
referred to advice from Pope Francis who told a crowd gathered at St. Peter’s:
“Whoever serves and gives, seems like a failure in the eyes of the world. In
reality, it is exactly in giving their life that they find it. A life that
takes possession of itself, losing itself in love, imitates Christ…. Whoever
serves, saves. On the contrary, those who don’t serve have no reason to be
alive.”
referred to advice from Pope Francis who told a crowd gathered at St. Peter’s:
“Whoever serves and gives, seems like a failure in the eyes of the world. In
reality, it is exactly in giving their life that they find it. A life that
takes possession of itself, losing itself in love, imitates Christ…. Whoever
serves, saves. On the contrary, those who don’t serve have no reason to be
alive.”
Living for
others, Tomeo said, is a proven way to happiness. “Yes compassion really does
work when it comes to finding meaning, true joy. But wait; there’s more. You
also receive the added benefit of positively impacting the world around you and
even improving your health.” She pointed to recent studies showing a strong
relationship between volunteering and health and lower rates of depression.
others, Tomeo said, is a proven way to happiness. “Yes compassion really does
work when it comes to finding meaning, true joy. But wait; there’s more. You
also receive the added benefit of positively impacting the world around you and
even improving your health.” She pointed to recent studies showing a strong
relationship between volunteering and health and lower rates of depression.
Happiness,
like Christianity, seems to turn human logic on its head. But Jesus gave
us his own example and spelled it out for us over and over. “For those who want
to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will
find it,” (Matthew 16:25).
like Christianity, seems to turn human logic on its head. But Jesus gave
us his own example and spelled it out for us over and over. “For those who want
to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will
find it,” (Matthew 16:25).
May you be blessed in the New Year
with selflessness so that it will be filled with happiness.
with selflessness so that it will be filled with happiness.
~~~~~
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and her author Facebook page. Sign up at the
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