I came across an amazing marriage recovery story when I was working on the Amazing Grace for Married Couples book. A priest friend who heard of the title I was working on told me, “Oh, do I have a story for you!” He wasn’t kidding! Alcoholism, drugs, adultery, and then just when all seemed lost, a miraculous conversion. Oh, I’ve given away the ending. Still, you will be amazed.
I interviewed both spouses (I ghost wrote the story) and met them in person. This story is real and one that will strengthen your own marriage. Either you can say, “We aren’t that bad!” or, “We’ll, I guess there is hope for us.”
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“Mommy, Where’sDaddy?”
Theresa looked down at her
innocent little girl, just barely out of diapers. She swallowed hard, smiled, and then told the
same lie she always told her children.
innocent little girl, just barely out of diapers. She swallowed hard, smiled, and then told the
same lie she always told her children.
“Daddy’s still at work,
honey. Now let’s get you ready for bed
so there’s time to read a book.”
honey. Now let’s get you ready for bed
so there’s time to read a book.”
As Theresa called her other
four children to start the bedtime routine, she wondered where her husband Paul
really was. Of course she knew it was a
bar. “But
which one and where? And when would he
come home…or rather would he come home this time?” Then, a scary thought pushed its way into her
thoughts. “Maybe it would be easier if he never made it home…” But Theresa immediately stopped herself. “No,”
she determined, “I won’t think like
that.” And then Theresa did what she
did every night. She prayed. “Please God, bring Paul home safe and please
help him to get better.”
four children to start the bedtime routine, she wondered where her husband Paul
really was. Of course she knew it was a
bar. “But
which one and where? And when would he
come home…or rather would he come home this time?” Then, a scary thought pushed its way into her
thoughts. “Maybe it would be easier if he never made it home…” But Theresa immediately stopped herself. “No,”
she determined, “I won’t think like
that.” And then Theresa did what she
did every night. She prayed. “Please God, bring Paul home safe and please
help him to get better.”
Theresa had been praying
such a prayer almost since the day they were married in 1976. Besides praying and taking one day at a time,
it seemed there was nothing more she could do.
She was determined that her children would not come from a broken home.
Theresa felt that she had made her choice to marry Paul, and now she had to
live with the consequences. All the
warning signs had been there from the beginning, but like most young people,
Theresa was too naive to recognize them.
such a prayer almost since the day they were married in 1976. Besides praying and taking one day at a time,
it seemed there was nothing more she could do.
She was determined that her children would not come from a broken home.
Theresa felt that she had made her choice to marry Paul, and now she had to
live with the consequences. All the
warning signs had been there from the beginning, but like most young people,
Theresa was too naive to recognize them.
ODD COUPLE
By anyone’s estimation,
Paul and Theresa were the classic odd couple.
Quiet, kind and serious natured, Theresa was the typical “good
girl.” She was from a large family, her
grades were excellent, she loved school, and she was one of the few kids from a
small western town who did not drink alcohol.
Paul was an only child who hated school, demanded to be the center of
attention, had a mean streak a mile long, hated authority, and loved to party.
Paul and Theresa were the classic odd couple.
Quiet, kind and serious natured, Theresa was the typical “good
girl.” She was from a large family, her
grades were excellent, she loved school, and she was one of the few kids from a
small western town who did not drink alcohol.
Paul was an only child who hated school, demanded to be the center of
attention, had a mean streak a mile long, hated authority, and loved to party.
Theresa’s first memory of
Paul is crystal clear. She was in third
grade and it was her first day at a new school.
Paul had bullied her to the point of humiliation. “I hated him,” Theresa admits. Ironically, Paul was not a typical
bully. Most of the frequent fights he engaged
in were to protect the underdog against bigger, more powerful kids. He’s not sure why he had picked on Theresa in
grade school, but one thing was for sure, as he got older, he definitely wanted
her attention.
Paul is crystal clear. She was in third
grade and it was her first day at a new school.
Paul had bullied her to the point of humiliation. “I hated him,” Theresa admits. Ironically, Paul was not a typical
bully. Most of the frequent fights he engaged
in were to protect the underdog against bigger, more powerful kids. He’s not sure why he had picked on Theresa in
grade school, but one thing was for sure, as he got older, he definitely wanted
her attention.
“She was so pretty,”
recalls Paul. “By the time I was in
junior high, I had a crush on her.”
Although Paul’s eye regularly roved to other girls, he always drifted
back to Theresa. He wooed her with
gifts; many of them he made himself like religious carvings and boxes. They both came from strong Catholic homes.
recalls Paul. “By the time I was in
junior high, I had a crush on her.”
Although Paul’s eye regularly roved to other girls, he always drifted
back to Theresa. He wooed her with
gifts; many of them he made himself like religious carvings and boxes. They both came from strong Catholic homes.
Theresa could not help but
be flattered by Paul’s love notes and gifts.
The frequent religious theme of his gifts only endeared him more to
her. By sophomore year, they had begun
dating each other exclusively. At times
they broke up and dated others, but were eventually drawn back together.
be flattered by Paul’s love notes and gifts.
The frequent religious theme of his gifts only endeared him more to
her. By sophomore year, they had begun
dating each other exclusively. At times
they broke up and dated others, but were eventually drawn back together.
YOUNG LOVE
Theresa was active in
sports so she often left town for games and tournaments. Those were the nights Paul indulged in his
love of drinking. Theresa strongly
disapproved so he stayed away from it until she was away. When she often heard of his partying later,
she would stew for a day or two. Her disappointment
always lifted after Paul’s apologies. In
reality, Theresa thought she was the odd one since most everyone she knew
drank. She just did not like the taste
or to see people get drunk.
sports so she often left town for games and tournaments. Those were the nights Paul indulged in his
love of drinking. Theresa strongly
disapproved so he stayed away from it until she was away. When she often heard of his partying later,
she would stew for a day or two. Her disappointment
always lifted after Paul’s apologies. In
reality, Theresa thought she was the odd one since most everyone she knew
drank. She just did not like the taste
or to see people get drunk.
After high school
graduation, Paul stayed home to work on his parents’ farm while Theresa went
away to college. Absence made their
hearts grow fonder. Without Theresa,
Paul felt empty and feared some other guy would win her affection. For Theresa, being away from home and her
boyfriend left her feeling lost. They
decided to get married.
graduation, Paul stayed home to work on his parents’ farm while Theresa went
away to college. Absence made their
hearts grow fonder. Without Theresa,
Paul felt empty and feared some other guy would win her affection. For Theresa, being away from home and her
boyfriend left her feeling lost. They
decided to get married.
Theresa’s parents expressed
concern that she would not be happy in the country feeding chickens. Living in
a trailer on Paul’s parent’s farm was actually fine with Theresa. What bothered her was that once she married
her true love, the romance ended.
concern that she would not be happy in the country feeding chickens. Living in
a trailer on Paul’s parent’s farm was actually fine with Theresa. What bothered her was that once she married
her true love, the romance ended.
“When I had that piece of
paper that said she was mine, I did whatever I wanted,” says Paul. “I knew she was naive and figured I could get
away with a lot.”
paper that said she was mine, I did whatever I wanted,” says Paul. “I knew she was naive and figured I could get
away with a lot.”
Many nights, Theresa sat
outside their trailer and listened to the sounds from town drifting in on the
night air. Hidden in the tall grass lest
someone stop by, tears poured from her
eyes and released the pain. Never had
she felt so alone. “I wanted to be with
Paul, but not in that environment,” Theresa explained. In the beginning she went with him to the
bars but it was always the same humiliation.
Sitting alone at a table, she’d watch Paul circulate through the bar and
get drunker. He’d occasionally stop by
the table or send someone over to baby-sit her or perhaps ask her to
dance. Meanwhile, the liquor would
sharpen Paul’s mean streak, making him unpleasant to be around.
outside their trailer and listened to the sounds from town drifting in on the
night air. Hidden in the tall grass lest
someone stop by, tears poured from her
eyes and released the pain. Never had
she felt so alone. “I wanted to be with
Paul, but not in that environment,” Theresa explained. In the beginning she went with him to the
bars but it was always the same humiliation.
Sitting alone at a table, she’d watch Paul circulate through the bar and
get drunker. He’d occasionally stop by
the table or send someone over to baby-sit her or perhaps ask her to
dance. Meanwhile, the liquor would
sharpen Paul’s mean streak, making him unpleasant to be around.
Without an element of
religion, Paul had little conscience and saw no reason not to satisfy his own
desires. “I just figured we were two different
people,” says Paul. “ She was a good wife but I saw her refusal to party as a
big flaw.”
religion, Paul had little conscience and saw no reason not to satisfy his own
desires. “I just figured we were two different
people,” says Paul. “ She was a good wife but I saw her refusal to party as a
big flaw.”
ENDLESS PROMISES
Theresa clung to the faith
of her youth and never missed Mass or stopped praying–especially for
Paul. When he was not drinking, Paul was
a loving husband. His promises to stop
would fill Theresa with hope, but it was
always just a matter of time before Paul slipped back into drinking. Still, Theresa kept praying and hoping.
of her youth and never missed Mass or stopped praying–especially for
Paul. When he was not drinking, Paul was
a loving husband. His promises to stop
would fill Theresa with hope, but it was
always just a matter of time before Paul slipped back into drinking. Still, Theresa kept praying and hoping.
Shortly after their third
wedding anniversary, their first child, a son,
was born. Theresa was
thrilled: “Becoming a mother meant
everything to me.” Unfortunately, Paul’s
alcoholism marred this happy occasion.
He had quit farming and got a job working on oil rigs across the
prairies. Theresa had called Paul at
work to let him know she was in labor.
wedding anniversary, their first child, a son,
was born. Theresa was
thrilled: “Becoming a mother meant
everything to me.” Unfortunately, Paul’s
alcoholism marred this happy occasion.
He had quit farming and got a job working on oil rigs across the
prairies. Theresa had called Paul at
work to let him know she was in labor.
Paul was already drunk when
he got the phone call. He had worked
midnight to 8 a.m., then went out
drinking whiskey in a local bar with friends.
By noon, he was drunk. A friend
found him in the bar and brought him to the hospital where he promptly passed
out. “
he got the phone call. He had worked
midnight to 8 a.m., then went out
drinking whiskey in a local bar with friends.
By noon, he was drunk. A friend
found him in the bar and brought him to the hospital where he promptly passed
out. “
Theresa’s sister was at the
hospital. Since Theresa had never said a
word to anyone about Paul’s drinking, her sister just thought it was “one of
those things” and filled him with coffee. Paul’s own parents understood their
son had a serious problem but they felt helpless to do anything about it. They just kept praying for him. Theresa was
too excited about becoming a mom to dwell on another of Paul’s drunken bouts.
hospital. Since Theresa had never said a
word to anyone about Paul’s drinking, her sister just thought it was “one of
those things” and filled him with coffee. Paul’s own parents understood their
son had a serious problem but they felt helpless to do anything about it. They just kept praying for him. Theresa was
too excited about becoming a mom to dwell on another of Paul’s drunken bouts.
Fatherhood added a
dimension of love which softened Paul.
“I wanted my son to have a mom and a dad,” he says. “I knew that being a better husband to
Theresa would also make me a better father. I knew a person could only take so
much, so I checked myself into a treatment program. I did it for Theresa, not for myself.”
dimension of love which softened Paul.
“I wanted my son to have a mom and a dad,” he says. “I knew that being a better husband to
Theresa would also make me a better father. I knew a person could only take so
much, so I checked myself into a treatment program. I did it for Theresa, not for myself.”
A YEAR OF SOBRIETY
A year of sobriety brought
Theresa great peace. She and Paul
discovered how much they both loved parenthood and enjoyed one another’s
company. It warmed her heart to watch
Paul laugh and cuddle with their baby. But one day, while on vacation, Paul had
a drink. From that point on, he returned
to the vicious cycle of getting drunk, sobering up, apologizing, and then
eventually getting drunk again. At
least he vowed to keep alcohol out of the house so he would not ever drink in
front of his family–a vow he would always keep.
Theresa great peace. She and Paul
discovered how much they both loved parenthood and enjoyed one another’s
company. It warmed her heart to watch
Paul laugh and cuddle with their baby. But one day, while on vacation, Paul had
a drink. From that point on, he returned
to the vicious cycle of getting drunk, sobering up, apologizing, and then
eventually getting drunk again. At
least he vowed to keep alcohol out of the house so he would not ever drink in
front of his family–a vow he would always keep.
Four more children followed
in quick succession. Paul delighted in his family when he was with them. “Daddy’s home!” the kids often announced with glee when Paul walked through the
door. He played with his children and
taught them many things. But Theresa
could never count on the good times. She
protected her young ones from the truth by telling them Daddy was still at work
whenever he failed to come home. There
were never any fights or emotional scenes when Paul returned either. Theresa would take Paul aside, away from the
children, and quietly plead for him to stop. The tears began to make Paul feel
guilty, because he knew he was letting his family down. But rather than stop, Paul drowned his guilt
with booze.
in quick succession. Paul delighted in his family when he was with them. “Daddy’s home!” the kids often announced with glee when Paul walked through the
door. He played with his children and
taught them many things. But Theresa
could never count on the good times. She
protected her young ones from the truth by telling them Daddy was still at work
whenever he failed to come home. There
were never any fights or emotional scenes when Paul returned either. Theresa would take Paul aside, away from the
children, and quietly plead for him to stop. The tears began to make Paul feel
guilty, because he knew he was letting his family down. But rather than stop, Paul drowned his guilt
with booze.
While at work, Paul had
progressed to almost every kind of drug short of heroine. During that time drugs flowed freely among
guys working on oil rigs. Yes, there was
a high rate of accidents and even deaths, but Paul could not keep from
indulging. Drugs were actually only an
aid to his drinking. Uppers, like cocaine and speed, enabled him to go out
drinking after work. Then, when he had to
turn around and work another shift, the drugs kept him going again.
progressed to almost every kind of drug short of heroine. During that time drugs flowed freely among
guys working on oil rigs. Yes, there was
a high rate of accidents and even deaths, but Paul could not keep from
indulging. Drugs were actually only an
aid to his drinking. Uppers, like cocaine and speed, enabled him to go out
drinking after work. Then, when he had to
turn around and work another shift, the drugs kept him going again.
FROM BAD TO WORSE
While Paul continued his
dark descent, Theresa began to find self respect. “As my children grew and I got involved in
their lives like coaching and teaching CCD, I
realized that Paul was the one with the problem, not me. Theresa derived great pleasure from
motherhood. “I felt so alive with my kids. Since my husband preferred drinking to me, I
did not feel like a good wife, but I knew I was a good mom.” Through teaching and coaching, Theresa
discovered she worked well with children in general. Her teams often won tournaments and
titles. Once her youngest was in school
full-time, Theresa returned to college for a teaching degree.
dark descent, Theresa began to find self respect. “As my children grew and I got involved in
their lives like coaching and teaching CCD, I
realized that Paul was the one with the problem, not me. Theresa derived great pleasure from
motherhood. “I felt so alive with my kids. Since my husband preferred drinking to me, I
did not feel like a good wife, but I knew I was a good mom.” Through teaching and coaching, Theresa
discovered she worked well with children in general. Her teams often won tournaments and
titles. Once her youngest was in school
full-time, Theresa returned to college for a teaching degree.
Theresa’s patience with
Paul grew thin. Often, while delighting in one of the kids accomplishments, a
wave of resentment would wash over her. “Paul has a loving wife and beautiful
children, but he’s throwing it all away,” she would think.
Finally, Theresa told Paul that by the time the youngest graduated from
high school, if he did not sober up, she would leave him.
Paul grew thin. Often, while delighting in one of the kids accomplishments, a
wave of resentment would wash over her. “Paul has a loving wife and beautiful
children, but he’s throwing it all away,” she would think.
Finally, Theresa told Paul that by the time the youngest graduated from
high school, if he did not sober up, she would leave him.
Paul’s guilt grew but then,
so did his sin. While Theresa attended college, Paul began a long-term affair
with a lady in town For Paul, this was
the first time his adultery was not a case of two drunks going to bed. “I knew Theresa could do better than me, yet
I finally realized that I loved her and I did not want to break up our
family” Paul confessed believing that if
he told the truth, he would never be
tempted in this way again.
so did his sin. While Theresa attended college, Paul began a long-term affair
with a lady in town For Paul, this was
the first time his adultery was not a case of two drunks going to bed. “I knew Theresa could do better than me, yet
I finally realized that I loved her and I did not want to break up our
family” Paul confessed believing that if
he told the truth, he would never be
tempted in this way again.
Halfway through the
marriage Theresa began to realize that Paul’s behavior was often adulterous
with one-night stands when he was drunk. This affair, however, cut through the
numbness of her heart to where she could still feel pain
marriage Theresa began to realize that Paul’s behavior was often adulterous
with one-night stands when he was drunk. This affair, however, cut through the
numbness of her heart to where she could still feel pain
“Haven’t I suffered
enough?” she cried. “Lord, please help
us!” Theresa kept praying. There was nothing to do but hold her head
high and continue living life as best she could. Theresa was now a sixth grade teacher and a
winning coach. She was determined to
continue working hard to be a good mother and wife. By now, however, Theresa was convinced that
it was just a matter of time before she left Paul.
enough?” she cried. “Lord, please help
us!” Theresa kept praying. There was nothing to do but hold her head
high and continue living life as best she could. Theresa was now a sixth grade teacher and a
winning coach. She was determined to
continue working hard to be a good mother and wife. By now, however, Theresa was convinced that
it was just a matter of time before she left Paul.
Once the kids were in
junior high and high school, they began to see their father for what he really
was–a drunk. They still loved him–he
had been a loving father–but the relationship grew cold. Paul also began to challenge Theresa’s efforts
to raise the children with her Catholic faith.
If the kids had stayed out late due to sports, Paul insisted that
Theresa not force them to get up and go to church on Sunday. Being teenagers, they usually sided with
their dad’s argument. Paul did not just
deny the existence of God, but he often unleashed anger at the mere possibility
of a God. Paul was walking and sleeping
with the devil and the devil was working hard to close the deal. At the rate things were going, Paul was
within his grasp.
junior high and high school, they began to see their father for what he really
was–a drunk. They still loved him–he
had been a loving father–but the relationship grew cold. Paul also began to challenge Theresa’s efforts
to raise the children with her Catholic faith.
If the kids had stayed out late due to sports, Paul insisted that
Theresa not force them to get up and go to church on Sunday. Being teenagers, they usually sided with
their dad’s argument. Paul did not just
deny the existence of God, but he often unleashed anger at the mere possibility
of a God. Paul was walking and sleeping
with the devil and the devil was working hard to close the deal. At the rate things were going, Paul was
within his grasp.
ROCK BOTTOM
The remaining shreds of
Paul’s life began unraveling. A sideline business he had operated for many
years, completely failed. His kids, now
mostly in their teens, no longer looked up to him. He was kicked out of high school coaching and
he’d been warned that if there were any more angry outbursts at sporting
events, he would be banned from even attending.
Often, he wished he was dead but did not have the guts to do it himself.
There were other times when he was angry enough to want kill others that he felt
had offended him. Only the threat of
prison stopped him from becoming a murderer.
Paul’s life began unraveling. A sideline business he had operated for many
years, completely failed. His kids, now
mostly in their teens, no longer looked up to him. He was kicked out of high school coaching and
he’d been warned that if there were any more angry outbursts at sporting
events, he would be banned from even attending.
Often, he wished he was dead but did not have the guts to do it himself.
There were other times when he was angry enough to want kill others that he felt
had offended him. Only the threat of
prison stopped him from becoming a murderer.
One summer afternoon, Paul
appeared in the center of town ranting and raving at anyone who could hear
him. “Something happened to me,” Paul
remembers. “I was going off the deep
end.” After shouting threats at the
world and bragging how great he was, Paul got into his car and recklessly sped
through town and neighborhoods. The
police chief, a friend of Paul’s, later showed up at his house. Paul sat outside, sobering up away from his
family.
appeared in the center of town ranting and raving at anyone who could hear
him. “Something happened to me,” Paul
remembers. “I was going off the deep
end.” After shouting threats at the
world and bragging how great he was, Paul got into his car and recklessly sped
through town and neighborhoods. The
police chief, a friend of Paul’s, later showed up at his house. Paul sat outside, sobering up away from his
family.
“You’re in trouble this
time,” the chief said. “We received twenty-one complaints, Paul. That’s a
record.”
time,” the chief said. “We received twenty-one complaints, Paul. That’s a
record.”
“Did anyone give you a license plate number?” Paul sneered.
“No,” the chief admitted.
“Then you have nothing on
me,” Paul laughed.
me,” Paul laughed.
Amazingly, no charges were
ever pressed. In all his years of
drinking and driving, Paul had received warnings but not a single arrest for
drinking under under the influence. The town’s people needed no license plate
number to prove Paul’s guilt. They all
knew it was him and they were furious. Some threatened him and others gave him
the cold shoulder.
ever pressed. In all his years of
drinking and driving, Paul had received warnings but not a single arrest for
drinking under under the influence. The town’s people needed no license plate
number to prove Paul’s guilt. They all
knew it was him and they were furious. Some threatened him and others gave him
the cold shoulder.
As the mountain Paul
imagined he represented began to crumble, he thought everyone was against
him. “It never dawned on me that it was
100% my fault,” says Paul.
imagined he represented began to crumble, he thought everyone was against
him. “It never dawned on me that it was
100% my fault,” says Paul.
“Then, working on an oil rig in Canada, I was near
the end of my rope, physically and mentally.
I was deeply depressed. For three
days in a row I woke up with fierce hangovers.
On the fourth day, I thought to myself:
‘I am so, so tired of this life.’
“
the end of my rope, physically and mentally.
I was deeply depressed. For three
days in a row I woke up with fierce hangovers.
On the fourth day, I thought to myself:
‘I am so, so tired of this life.’
“
NOWHERE ESLE TO TURN
A born-again Christian at
work had been regularly telling Paul to read the Bible. Paul
resisted but finally asked what book of the Bible the coworker would
recommend. The book of Matthew was
suggested. Sitting in his dimly lit
motel room, Paul dug the Gideon’s Bible out of a drawer. Once, many years
ago, he had tried to read the Bible and found it to be a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Holding the Book in his hands, Paul let out
a disheartened sigh. He knew that the only one who could help him, was God.
work had been regularly telling Paul to read the Bible. Paul
resisted but finally asked what book of the Bible the coworker would
recommend. The book of Matthew was
suggested. Sitting in his dimly lit
motel room, Paul dug the Gideon’s Bible out of a drawer. Once, many years
ago, he had tried to read the Bible and found it to be a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Holding the Book in his hands, Paul let out
a disheartened sigh. He knew that the only one who could help him, was God.
Beginning with the birth of
Jesus, Paul began reading. Immediately
the room’s dim light seemed to brighten and illuminate the words. And the words themselves went down with crystal
clarity. He was spellbound. Paul felt the
love of Jesus and felt His Divine presence beside him in that very motel
room. Every word seemed to pierce
through the cloud of his life and bring light to his being. Through a flood of repentant tears, he read on.
Jesus, Paul began reading. Immediately
the room’s dim light seemed to brighten and illuminate the words. And the words themselves went down with crystal
clarity. He was spellbound. Paul felt the
love of Jesus and felt His Divine presence beside him in that very motel
room. Every word seemed to pierce
through the cloud of his life and bring light to his being. Through a flood of repentant tears, he read on.
“I understood it all,” Paul’s says. “That God
loved us so much that He sent His only Son, the teachings of Christ, the
miracles, the casting out of demons, all the parables, the Passion and
Crucifixion, His Resurrection and His final commissioning of the disciples
where He leaves them by saying: ‘And
behold I am with you always.’”
loved us so much that He sent His only Son, the teachings of Christ, the
miracles, the casting out of demons, all the parables, the Passion and
Crucifixion, His Resurrection and His final commissioning of the disciples
where He leaves them by saying: ‘And
behold I am with you always.’”
No drug or drink had ever
given Paul the high he experienced through Christ. “Jesus was there with me,” he explains. “It was as if He was saying: ‘Accept me and I
will save you and lead you down the path of love.’”
given Paul the high he experienced through Christ. “Jesus was there with me,” he explains. “It was as if He was saying: ‘Accept me and I
will save you and lead you down the path of love.’”
Paul accepted. The deep, penetrating love of Christ blazed
through him. Paul literally began to
feel the slime of darkness drain from his being. It did not happen in an instant, but seemed
to last around half an hour. As the
stink of sin and darkness left, the warmth of love and light began to fill in
the spaces. Paul could not feel more
ashamed for the sorry state of his soul and yet, as the cleansing love of Jesus
washed over him, he never imagined such
euphoria.
through him. Paul literally began to
feel the slime of darkness drain from his being. It did not happen in an instant, but seemed
to last around half an hour. As the
stink of sin and darkness left, the warmth of love and light began to fill in
the spaces. Paul could not feel more
ashamed for the sorry state of his soul and yet, as the cleansing love of Jesus
washed over him, he never imagined such
euphoria.
Jesus had come to Paul and
led him by the hand away from evil. “My
health was failing and death would have been around the corner. If I had not accepted Jesus at that moment, I
might be in hell right now. Jesus had
always been there for me, but I had to be the one to make the decision to turn
to Him.” In the aftermath, Paul was left
with a profound peace that his life would forever be in God’s hands. There would be no more drugs or alcohol or
women. He would seek to serve God and turn from sin. He spent the day in thanksgiving and
prayer. In the morning,Paul awoke
refreshed and still on fire with love for God.
led him by the hand away from evil. “My
health was failing and death would have been around the corner. If I had not accepted Jesus at that moment, I
might be in hell right now. Jesus had
always been there for me, but I had to be the one to make the decision to turn
to Him.” In the aftermath, Paul was left
with a profound peace that his life would forever be in God’s hands. There would be no more drugs or alcohol or
women. He would seek to serve God and turn from sin. He spent the day in thanksgiving and
prayer. In the morning,Paul awoke
refreshed and still on fire with love for God.
MAKING GOOD ON PROMISES
Paul called Theresa and his
mother (who had prayed daily rosaries for him for years) to tell them of his experience. He was not surprised when both seemed skeptical. After all, there had been so many broken
promises. Paul was confident that this
time would be different.
mother (who had prayed daily rosaries for him for years) to tell them of his experience. He was not surprised when both seemed skeptical. After all, there had been so many broken
promises. Paul was confident that this
time would be different.
When Paul returned home,
one of the first things he did was to see a priest and receive the sacrament of
reconciliation. He began attending daily
Mass and read the Bible for one to two hours every day. Theresa was in awe. Paul was becoming
transformed. When Theresa looked deep
into his eyes now, Paul looked back with love and caring. And when Theresa spoke, she could tell that
Paul was really listening to her. The
gut wrenching fear for Paul’s well-being gave way to trust, love and joy.
one of the first things he did was to see a priest and receive the sacrament of
reconciliation. He began attending daily
Mass and read the Bible for one to two hours every day. Theresa was in awe. Paul was becoming
transformed. When Theresa looked deep
into his eyes now, Paul looked back with love and caring. And when Theresa spoke, she could tell that
Paul was really listening to her. The
gut wrenching fear for Paul’s well-being gave way to trust, love and joy.
Then, it dawned on Theresa that Paul was outdoing
her in the religion department. If her
husband was going to start his day with God at Mass, Theresa realized she
should be there too. In spite of all
those years of faithful prayers, she had never gone deep enough to fully
experience Christ in her life. Now, with
the miracle of her husband’s conversion, Theresa moved from survival mode to
joyfully embracing God’s love and power.
her in the religion department. If her
husband was going to start his day with God at Mass, Theresa realized she
should be there too. In spite of all
those years of faithful prayers, she had never gone deep enough to fully
experience Christ in her life. Now, with
the miracle of her husband’s conversion, Theresa moved from survival mode to
joyfully embracing God’s love and power.
“Everything is so
different,” Theresa explains. “Paul and I are so happy and very much in love.
It’s like we’ve been married for four years instead of twenty-nine. We drove to
a religious conferences recently and the whole time we talked about God and
listened to praise music together.”
different,” Theresa explains. “Paul and I are so happy and very much in love.
It’s like we’ve been married for four years instead of twenty-nine. We drove to
a religious conferences recently and the whole time we talked about God and
listened to praise music together.”
Theresa acknowledges that
in today’s world, few woman would look at her life and think she was
blessed. But Theresa says she could not
be happier. “I’m happy I married Paul,”
she says. “Those were hard years, but
none of it was wasted. I would do it again.”
in today’s world, few woman would look at her life and think she was
blessed. But Theresa says she could not
be happier. “I’m happy I married Paul,”
she says. “Those were hard years, but
none of it was wasted. I would do it again.”
WE MADE IT!
One of the greatest joys
that keeping her marriage vows brought Theresa, was the knowledge that her
family stayed together. As a teacher,
she sees the pain divorce brings children.
Her heart broke one year when she read a Christmas letter from one
little girl who asked Santa to please make her mom and daddy happy and keep
them together.
Paul and Theresa admit that
healing is necessary when the family has been through the turmoil they
experienced, but they are deeply grateful that they rode it out. Together, they can now experience the peace
and love of healing rather than breaking the family apart. The children, some married with their own
children, see the dramatic difference in their dad through God’s saving
power. Paul has told his kids that he is
sorry for all the hurt and is building a new relationship with them.
healing is necessary when the family has been through the turmoil they
experienced, but they are deeply grateful that they rode it out. Together, they can now experience the peace
and love of healing rather than breaking the family apart. The children, some married with their own
children, see the dramatic difference in their dad through God’s saving
power. Paul has told his kids that he is
sorry for all the hurt and is building a new relationship with them.
“”I’m so grateful for my
kids and that our family made it,” he says.
“We stayed together and everyone is glad. It’s a whole new family. We sit around and love each other and visit
all night long. Instead of just stopping
the hurt, the wound healed.”
kids and that our family made it,” he says.
“We stayed together and everyone is glad. It’s a whole new family. We sit around and love each other and visit
all night long. Instead of just stopping
the hurt, the wound healed.”
On the day of his
conversion, Paul knew that there would be hard work ahead but he was confident
there was no turning back. Through the
priest that serves as spiritual director to both Paul and Theresa, he came to
realize that the devil was going to fight his conversion. Paul was tempted to feel angry and critical
towards those that hurt him. In the
beginning he wrestled with the devil for days, thinking his prayers were not
working and that he could never really maintain his new life. His spiritual
director encouraged him by explaining that it was part of the process of his
continual conversion. The harder Paul fought
back with prayer, Eucharistic adoration and Mass, the stronger he became. “It took patience and my spiritual director
helped me a lot,” says Paul. “In the
end, the devil is a coward and runs in the face of God. The Lord is my defense.”
conversion, Paul knew that there would be hard work ahead but he was confident
there was no turning back. Through the
priest that serves as spiritual director to both Paul and Theresa, he came to
realize that the devil was going to fight his conversion. Paul was tempted to feel angry and critical
towards those that hurt him. In the
beginning he wrestled with the devil for days, thinking his prayers were not
working and that he could never really maintain his new life. His spiritual
director encouraged him by explaining that it was part of the process of his
continual conversion. The harder Paul fought
back with prayer, Eucharistic adoration and Mass, the stronger he became. “It took patience and my spiritual director
helped me a lot,” says Paul. “In the
end, the devil is a coward and runs in the face of God. The Lord is my defense.”
Paul realizes that he too
was once a coward; putting up a tough exterior but lacking true inner strength.
He cannot find the words to express appreciation for Theresa’s undying
commitment and prayers. “Our love grows
every day,” Paul explains. “It is so
amazing. I did not know real love until
I knew the love of God. Once you
experience that, it’s unbelievable.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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was once a coward; putting up a tough exterior but lacking true inner strength.
He cannot find the words to express appreciation for Theresa’s undying
commitment and prayers. “Our love grows
every day,” Paul explains. “It is so
amazing. I did not know real love until
I knew the love of God. Once you
experience that, it’s unbelievable.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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To read other marriage recovery stories: Amazing
Grace for Married Couples
What a beautiful story, Patti. I am particularly impressed at Theresa's forgiveness after Paul's reversion. Sometimes being the good one for so long makes spouses want to lash out when their errant spouse finally comes around and starts to outdo them. She had the humility to follow Paul's lead, and he was wise to get a spiritual director, so he didn't backslide.
Thank you Patti for sharing this story which is full of hope and forgiveness and the power of our loving and merciful God!
Thanks Leticia and Tracy. Even the priest who led me to this story said he's not even sure what he would have advised if he'd known this couple during the troubled years. Such an example for us.
Patti, this is such a wonderful story. My husband and I are in our own desert right now. He is currently serving a jail sentence due to his pornography addiction, but, by God's grace, he is changing and becoming a better man. Please pray for us, that God will bring full restoration to our family.
Prayers for you. And for your husband. Your story touches my heart in a big way.
I will be praying for you too. There was a time that I thought it best to leave difficult husbands (before I was married) but now I see life differently. Every couple in the AG for Married Couples is more in love today than on the day they married. That is truly amazing given what they have been through.
I know God gives us the grace to get through and I believe that being faithful and carrying our crosses unleashes so many graces. I pray for everyone who reads my writing and I will pray extra for you.
I had forgotten about this book and I didn't know you had a hand in it. It brought me so much comfort at a time when I thought my own marriage was over. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And God bless you!
HI Amy,
What a blessing to know this book gave you so much comfort. I ghost wrote 10 of the 12 stories so I interviewed people in great depth. You probably did not realize that I pray daily (usually at Mass) for everyone who has my books, so I've been praying for you for a long time.
I will probably get hammered pretty hard for this comment, but we must always be careful when there is a profound experience of God following a very twisted life.
I go back to this sentence: "No drug or drink had ever given Paul the high he experienced through Christ". However, that post-conversion "high" always wears off, as it does with us all, and when it does, the recidivism rate is high. I know many, many examples, and I know stories of amazing conversions that could have been published in books that thank goodness were not because they had sad endings.
This book was published in 2005. Are there any updates available on how things are going now?
You make an excellent point, Wade St. Onge. This book was published 5 years after his conversion. I have met both of them at retreats. Paul simply came by to say hi and introduce himself because we had only talked on the phone previously.
Also, I called him a couple years ago to ask how safe he thought it was for young men ( I was thinking of my son) to work on the oil fields. Since Paul had once been the worst of the worst but converted, I figured he could give me the straight scoop. So, I've had contact with them and they are both seriously Catholic. The conversion stuck for Paul and Theresa was always there. It is true that like jailhouse conversions, a moment or situation can bring someone to Christ, but in the end, it takes work to stay there. For Paul, some of his struggles are mentioned where he went for support from his priest (the priest friend who originally put me in touch with them). So at least in this case, there was a miraculous conversion which Paul followed up on with a lot of hard work and determination.
I'm a big believer in forgiveness, but for me an affair is a deal breaker in a marriage. I feel that it shows that you don't love your spouse at all, which means that you've broken your promise to God to love them no matter what. I wish them all the best though.
I can't see myself sticking around if there was an affair, but the marriage stories have examples of not acceptance of affairs but forgiving and still loving. Sometimes it was the wife and sometimes the husband that had an affair(s) or addiction issues. All of the couples say they are more in love today than they were the day they married. Also, Teresa Tomeo, a well known EWTN radio personality has shared on the radio that her story is in there. We changed her name just before going to press because she was not sure she wanted her parents to read know all the details. She has shared her story publicly at talks though.