Sadness was not
what I expected while listening to a popular Catholic speaker. His love of God
and family bubbled over as he described a beautiful coming-of-age tradition
when kids became teenagers in his family. That’s when it hit me. “Wow, our
families are so different!”
what I expected while listening to a popular Catholic speaker. His love of God
and family bubbled over as he described a beautiful coming-of-age tradition
when kids became teenagers in his family. That’s when it hit me. “Wow, our
families are so different!”
Their event
included relatives who called with affirming messages. I imagined trying to arrange the same thing
among my relatives. First would be an awkward pause. Then: “You’re kidding,
right?”
included relatives who called with affirming messages. I imagined trying to arrange the same thing
among my relatives. First would be an awkward pause. Then: “You’re kidding,
right?”
That realization
hit with a pang of sadness. But quickly, my Catholic mindset shifted into gear.
God gave me my family and he knows the
challenges. Everyone’s crosses are different but we all have them.
hit with a pang of sadness. But quickly, my Catholic mindset shifted into gear.
God gave me my family and he knows the
challenges. Everyone’s crosses are different but we all have them.
That moment laid
on my heart the sensitivity that many parents struggle with family
challenges beyond their control. Friends have shared such pain with me after
listening to good Catholic speakers then feeling salt was rubbed into their
wounds. For example, at a Catholic
high school, it’s a great idea to bring in speakers for a parents’ night to impart
good family values. But inevitably, some
parents will go home feeling sad for what they are lacking.
on my heart the sensitivity that many parents struggle with family
challenges beyond their control. Friends have shared such pain with me after
listening to good Catholic speakers then feeling salt was rubbed into their
wounds. For example, at a Catholic
high school, it’s a great idea to bring in speakers for a parents’ night to impart
good family values. But inevitably, some
parents will go home feeling sad for what they are lacking.
The Kiss of Jesus
It was that very
realization of the pain and struggles in the lives of others that spurred Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle , a
popular author, speaker and EWTN TV host, to share her shocking past. I have known Donna-Marie for several years
and knew parts of her story, but not all. I often thought, “She is so sweet and
graceful, no one would ever suspect what she has been through.”
realization of the pain and struggles in the lives of others that spurred Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle , a
popular author, speaker and EWTN TV host, to share her shocking past. I have known Donna-Marie for several years
and knew parts of her story, but not all. I often thought, “She is so sweet and
graceful, no one would ever suspect what she has been through.”
After reading hernew book, The
Kiss of Jesus: How Mother Teresa and the Saints Helped Me to discover the
Beauty of the Cross, I was astounded to learn her past had been much more
horrific than I realized. It included
being held captive with a machine gun by a boyfriend-turned-abuser when she was
just a teenager. Fearing for the lives
of her family–which he said he would kill–it would be several months to a year before Donna-Marie could safely make her escape.
She then married
and had three children with an alcoholic husband who eventually walked out on
her. A second marriage and two more children was not the happy ending she hoped
for when he turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive.
and had three children with an alcoholic husband who eventually walked out on
her. A second marriage and two more children was not the happy ending she hoped
for when he turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive.
It would seem that Donna-Marie had good reasons
to be bitter, but instead, her faith brought her the grace of resilience. There is
thankfully a happy ending for her, certainly aided by her beautiful faith and
loving spirit.
to be bitter, but instead, her faith brought her the grace of resilience. There is
thankfully a happy ending for her, certainly aided by her beautiful faith and
loving spirit.
This book is a big
surprise for anyone who has been a fan of Donna-Maria. In it, she provides a
beautiful example of surviving immense difficulties with faith and forgiveness.
Donna-Marie is an example of living a good Catholic life in spite of less than
ideal situations.
surprise for anyone who has been a fan of Donna-Maria. In it, she provides a
beautiful example of surviving immense difficulties with faith and forgiveness.
Donna-Marie is an example of living a good Catholic life in spite of less than
ideal situations.
Insights from Donna-Marie
In an interview with Donna-Marie, she shared some of the inspiration that gave her a spirit of
survival.
survival.
Although you turned
to God, solutions did not present themselves overnight. Did you ever feel
abandoned or doubt your prayers were being heard?
to God, solutions did not present themselves overnight. Did you ever feel
abandoned or doubt your prayers were being heard?
No, I never thought
that my prayers weren’t being heard. Yes, it’s true that our prayers are not
necessarily answered in the way we might hope. But, sincere prayers are always
heard by God who knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He is the
Divine Physician Whom we should trust.
that my prayers weren’t being heard. Yes, it’s true that our prayers are not
necessarily answered in the way we might hope. But, sincere prayers are always
heard by God who knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He is the
Divine Physician Whom we should trust.
We have to trust
God with our lives. We need to trust Him with our prayers. We ask Him for help
in our struggles and in our painful situations. We continue to reach our heart
up in prayer even when things are intensely dark and scary. Prayer anchors us.
Prayer gives us hope. Prayer lifts our hearts to reach the heart of God.
God with our lives. We need to trust Him with our prayers. We ask Him for help
in our struggles and in our painful situations. We continue to reach our heart
up in prayer even when things are intensely dark and scary. Prayer anchors us.
Prayer gives us hope. Prayer lifts our hearts to reach the heart of God.
At times in our
lives, it might seem very hard to trust God. We might feel that He is too
distant to hear us or to care about us. But the truth is–He loves us so
intensely and wants only what is best for us. We need to learn to surrender our
hearts to God wholeheartedly and trust that when we surrender our lives to Him.
He will bring a good outcome to everything in His Divine timing.
lives, it might seem very hard to trust God. We might feel that He is too
distant to hear us or to care about us. But the truth is–He loves us so
intensely and wants only what is best for us. We need to learn to surrender our
hearts to God wholeheartedly and trust that when we surrender our lives to Him.
He will bring a good outcome to everything in His Divine timing.
We can pray for anincrease in the virtues of faith, hope, and love. Catholics have an interesting
way to look at suffering. We learn from our Church that suffering can be
redemptive. Saint John Paul II said, “From the paradox of the Cross
springs the answer to our most worrying questions. Christ suffers for us. He takes
upon himself the sufferings of everyone and redeems them. Christ suffers with
us, enabling us to share our pain with Him. United to the suffering of Christ,
human suffering becomes a means of salvation.” Those are poignant and
amazing words for us to ponder.
Can you offer
suggestions on getting past feeling sorry for yourself when the cross is heavy?
suggestions on getting past feeling sorry for yourself when the cross is heavy?
It is not unusual
for someone to experience trouble with the weight of their cross and instead of
trying to understand it or even embrace it, they might choose to whine or feel
sorry for themselves. It is human nature to recoil from suffering, after all.
But our Christian faith instructs us to pick up our cross and follow Jesus.
for someone to experience trouble with the weight of their cross and instead of
trying to understand it or even embrace it, they might choose to whine or feel
sorry for themselves. It is human nature to recoil from suffering, after all.
But our Christian faith instructs us to pick up our cross and follow Jesus.
In wanting to come
close to Jesus and merit the rewards of Heaven one day, we need to pray for
grace and the courage to pick up our crosses to wholeheartedly follow Jesus.
So, when we are having trouble accepting the inconveniences, struggles, and
pains in our lives, we can lift our eyes up towards Heaven and remember, “For momentary,
light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all
comparison” (2 Corinthians,
4:17).
close to Jesus and merit the rewards of Heaven one day, we need to pray for
grace and the courage to pick up our crosses to wholeheartedly follow Jesus.
So, when we are having trouble accepting the inconveniences, struggles, and
pains in our lives, we can lift our eyes up towards Heaven and remember, “For momentary,
light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all
comparison” (2 Corinthians,
4:17).
Were there times,
given two troubled marriages, that you felt judged by other Catholics or left
out in any way?
given two troubled marriages, that you felt judged by other Catholics or left
out in any way?
Perhaps, I felt
judged at times in the sense that divorce carries with it a stigma. There are
those who choose to judge a person unfairly without ever having walked in their
shoes. That’s very hard to deal
with. Yet, even though for the most part, we live in a couple’s world, there is
no reason for a single parent to feel inferior or alone. They are an integral
part of society and the Church, and are just as dignified and of value as
anyone else.
judged at times in the sense that divorce carries with it a stigma. There are
those who choose to judge a person unfairly without ever having walked in their
shoes. That’s very hard to deal
with. Yet, even though for the most part, we live in a couple’s world, there is
no reason for a single parent to feel inferior or alone. They are an integral
part of society and the Church, and are just as dignified and of value as
anyone else.
I believe that the
Church should reach out more to offer assistance and programs to single parent
families. Perhaps, after the Synod on the Family concludes, there might be more
ideas and ways that broken families can be helped by the Church. I think that
the laity can help in many ways by starting groups and out-reaches at their
parishes.
Church should reach out more to offer assistance and programs to single parent
families. Perhaps, after the Synod on the Family concludes, there might be more
ideas and ways that broken families can be helped by the Church. I think that
the laity can help in many ways by starting groups and out-reaches at their
parishes.
On another note,
since we are talking about dysfunctional marriages, it’s important to
recognize that we have no guarantees for the future. We can try our very best
to be careful in choosing our future spouses. But we truly don’t have control over
whether or not there might be hidden and deep-rooted problems in our spouse
that might surface later on to cause harm to the marriage. In that case, we
should do all we can to seek help for our marriage and our spouse and to never
give up on prayer.
since we are talking about dysfunctional marriages, it’s important to
recognize that we have no guarantees for the future. We can try our very best
to be careful in choosing our future spouses. But we truly don’t have control over
whether or not there might be hidden and deep-rooted problems in our spouse
that might surface later on to cause harm to the marriage. In that case, we
should do all we can to seek help for our marriage and our spouse and to never
give up on prayer.
~~~~~~~
For more inspiration, check out Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories From Everyday Families. Follow Patti at Twitter and like her Facebook pages at Dear God Books, Big Hearted Families and Catholic News & Inspiration on Facebook. Sign up at the right column to receive articles in your inbox. God bless you!
